A Girl's Breast Friend

Even before I got pregnant with my daughter, I knew I wanted to breast feed. The thought of giving my infant some lab-made formula literally made me gag, and while I know that its the only option for some mothers, I knew it just wasn't for me. Just like breastfeeding isn't for some moms. I knew that I was going to do everything in my power to make breastfeeding successful for me and my infant. My plan was breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months of my child's life, then to continue to nurse in between "meals" of actual food for the year.

In no way was breastfeeding an easy journey for me. Things started out great, but then my milk came in. Much to my fiancee's delight, I was walking around feeling like a playboy playmate for the next 3 days. Then, all of a sudden, my boobs deflated and I panicked. Thinking my milk had suddenly disappeared, I woke my fiancee up, sobbing, crying that my milk was gone! Thanks to google and a quick text to my sister, I was assured that my breasts had just gotten accustomed to the milk and that no, I would no longer resemble Dolly Parton. The upside of breastfeeding is that between not really having time to eat complete meals due to the demands of a newborn and my daughter's tendency to cluster-feed, I dropped weight like no diet or exercise had ever allowed me to do before.  Within 2 weeks of having her, I had dropped 22 pounds. In the next 2 weeks, I was within 5 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. And by the time my daughter was just 4 months old, I was 7 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. It was like a dream come true, I could eat whatever I wanted, not do a bit of exercise, and just lose weight! It was like an infomercial:
"Do you hate to exercise hours and hours a week to get no results??? Do you just wish you could eat that hamburger without having it go right to your ass?? Do you want to get a flat stomach without doing a single crunch? Well, here's your answer, ladies! Breastfeed!!"
Now, I'm not saying breastfeeding was an easy journey for me. Chloe had a tongue-tie which resulted in a very painful latch that sent shooting, burning pains deep into my breasts. Even after she had the tongue-tie procedure done, she had already gotten into the habit of having a shallow latch, so I would spend the next year with ice on my nipples.
So flash forward past all the sleepless nights, awaking every 2-3 hours to nurse, to soreness and basically feeling like the only reason your infant loves you is because you're a cow and you're her only source of food...

And now my daughter is 18 months old. She basically weaned herself, going from nursing only at home, to nursing only at naps and bed time, to now only nursing at bed time. But yes, she's a year and a half and still technically nursing. She gets it right before bed and she will not do without it. And she only gets about 2 ounces of milk out of just the left. The right dried up probably about 6 months ago. I know she only gets 2 ounces because I've pumped and that's all I can get. Its really just her pacifier right now and that makes it that much harder to get her to stop. Not only is she using the left as her pacifier, but she has begun using the right as her security blanket or something. She HAS to stick her hand down my shirt, caress and fondle me, pushing on and pinching my nipple. Just a lovely sensation to try and fall asleep to. And, if I dare to try to push her hand away, she smacks my hand and shouts, "No!!"

So here's where I've been the past week. Chloe has been especially miserable for whatever reason and has become downright tyrannical in her bed time routine. Chloe's never been a good sleeper. I mean, she has to sleep with me and my fiancee in our bed, you cannot roll over or move or breathe lest you wake her, and she has to have my boob in her mouth. At all times. While she fondles the other one. Now, before this week, Chloe has nursed for about 10 minutes, fondled me, and then gone to sleep. I've been able to transfer her over to her bed, and we all get a few hours of sleep. Before she wakes at about 3 and I start the process again, until finally relenting and taking her into bed with me at about 5am. 
But this week, for whatever reason, Chloe will not go to sleep. She nurses and nurses and fondles and nurses and if I try to slip her off (once she's asleep) she suddenly becomes possessed by some unseen demon, thrashing and screaming and kicking, flailing about like her body is being engulfed by flames. Needless to say, I have not gotten ANY sleep this week. Finally, last night, I just couldn't take it anymore. I just lost it. Chloe had just awaken in the screaming fashion I just described for about the 8th time and it was only 11:30, but I have to get up at 5:30 and I was so damned tired that I sat up and cried, "You know what????" I then grabbed my pillow and my blankets, and stormed out onto the couch. Which, has no cushions because they are currently being used to create the make-shift "toddler bed" our toddler won't even sleep on. See here: Sleepless in Harwinton
Literally the second I leave the room, Chloe stops crying, lays down with her dad, and is fast asleep. I mean, I'm not even exaggerating when I say the second. I left the room... and she went to sleep. WTF??? I then returned to my bed (because the couch was not very comfortable sans cushions) and went to sleep. For about 2 hours. Chloe then realized that I was back and began her tyrant again. But now that she had had some sleep, she wasn't as ornery as before. Ugggghhhhhhhhhhh

I know that many moms nurse their toddlers, continue well past a year and sometimes even 2. But I'm at the point where I'm feeling like enough is enough already. I want to sleep!!!! I miss sleeping so much, its like I can't even remember what it feels like to not only sleep past the night, but what it feels like to sleep in past 7 am. 

I'm going to attempt googling "Weaning a Toddler" and see what I can come up with.